24 Non-Textbook Lessons You Learn From Going To College In NYC

Ethan Abramson Ethan Abramson

24 Non-Textbook Lessons You Learn From Going To College In NYC


Going to college in New York City will teach you more than you ever wanted to know about yourself, about this city, and about life.


1. For starters, your only friend is your belly.

2. You have no idea what you want to do with your life.

[Parks and Recreation]
3. You hate everyone.

[The Simpsons]
4. And people really like hearing themselves talk (especially in a classroom).

[South Park]

“I have a question, my boyfriend is really special.”

5. You will never be liberal enough for this institution or city.

[This is the End]
6. So you’ll question all of your beliefs and values.

7. And come up with an answer.

Offensive larry david - resize
[Curb Your Enthusiasm]
8. Wearing a lanyard is the equivalent of wearing a shirt that says “Mug me.”


There’s no picture because no one should ever see a lanyard.

9. Your first fake ID… isn’t going to cut it…


10. But that’s all right, because there is nothing sweeter than a rooftop party til the morning.

[How to Make it in America]
11. And here come the freshmen, so full of hope.

[Kiss Kiss Bang Bang]
12. But you don’t understand why. I mean look around:

[National Treasure 2]
13. That homeless man’s birthday couldn’t possibly occur three days in a row.

[Curb Your Enthusiasm]
14. People are starved for attention…

[Family Guy]
15. … so it’s okay to stare.

dog - resize

16. Naps are necessary.

[NYU Snaps]
[NYU Snaps]
17. You’d rather buy new underwear than do your laundry, but you’re poor so you find alternatives.

[Curb Your Enthusiasm]
18. Snow isn’t quite what you remembered.

[NBC New York]
19. If the local train is running express, it might be running local, unless it’s running express, in which case it’s running local.

Kevin Hart disgusted - resize

20. Also, white girls are afraid of Brooklyn.

[Silent House]

(real image of a white girl in Brooklyn.)

21. That person you slept with who you thought you’d never see again is everywhere.

[The Office]
22. And it’s all right to complain about it…

[Scott Pilgrim vs. The World]
23. … because it’s all right to complain about everything…

24. … because you’re now a New Yorker. Go get ’em kiddo.


Cover photo credit: Matt Biddulph/Flickr

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