Moms are great, but they can be very predictable. If you live in New York City, there’s a good chance that your mom has called you or texted you with these questions:
1. “Your neighborhood is safe, right?”
Yes mom, very safe.
2. “You don’t walk around alone at night, do you?”
Only after I just dumped my date.
3. “You don’t take the subway at night, do you?”
Trust me. You don’t want me taking an Uber.
4. “Did you hear there was another slashing last night?”
5. “HELLO?!?! ARE YOU OKAY?”
Chill, Mom, I’m fine.
6. “Don’t get mad at me. I was just checking in.”
7. “I’ve heard such good things about Hamilton. Have you seen it?”
I would if I could get tickets and had three hundred dollars lying around…
8. “Is your apartment warm enough?”
If it wasn’t, would you do anything?
9. “Your building has a doorman, right?”
Yeah, maybe when I finally make it big.
10. “Your door has a chain lock, right?”
Not everything you see on TV is true, Mom.
11. “Remember to always have cash on you.”
12. “But don’t carry too much cash on you.”
Uh, sure thing.
13. “How are your roommates doing? Are you getting along?”
This isn’t high school anymore…
14. “You’re not still living in that dump, are you?”
You want to send me money so I can live somewhere else?
15. “Are you still seeing so-and-so?”
The one I went on three dates with? No.
16. “If you need anything I can be there in three hours.”
Don’t trouble yourself.
17. “Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?”
18. “Are you coming home for Christmas?”
19. “Are you coming home for Mother’s Day?”
Uh, I’ll think about it…
20. “Maybe I could come up and visit you.”
Oh jeez, you know, I’m so busy…
21. “Maybe we could get tickets to Hamilton.”
Actually I might take you up on that.
Cover photo credit: Billie Grace Ward/Flickr