Follow these commandments and thou shalt live a long and prosperous life in the city of New York, or at least survive for as long as you want to stay here… take note implants and tourists, these rules are important to us!
1. Thou shalt not text while walking on a busy sidewalk.
Apart from holding us all up, you’re going to get yourself hurt!
2. Thou shalt cross the street as quickly as possible.
We pedestrians have learned developed a symbiotic relationship with our automotive brothers and sisters. Don’t screw it up for us!
3. And do everything else as quickly as possible.
While we’re at it, just pick up the pace on EVERYTHING! We don’t have the time for you to order your pumpkin-spiced nonsense with an extra pump of nobody-cares, or for you to meander on the sidewalk taking pictures of… actually, commandment number 4…
4. Thou shalt not stop to take selfies in the middle of the street.
If you could just reign in your rabid vanity for just one second, so that the other 8.5 million people in the city get past you without being clotheslined, that would be just great. thanks.
5. Thou shalt clean up after thy canine.
Basically, your dog – your problem. Don’t let a NYer catch you not picking up after your dog, it’ll end badly for you.
6. Thou shalt not talk in a quiet subway car… or make eye contact if you can help it… or lean on the bar… or eat… in fact, thou shalt just stand there quietly trying to be invisible.
There is a whole post for subway etiquette here. Learn it.
7. Thou shalt accept the sacred status of the Bodega Cat.
Like cows are sacred in Hinduism, Bodega cats are sacred in New York. Deal with it.
8. Thou shalt not judge a hole-in-the-wall by its exterior.
In this city, some of the best places are hidden in plain sight.
9. Thou shalt not order pizza from a chain restaurant.
Why would you?
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s taxi.
Upstreaming someone’s taxi is a heinous crime. Do this and expect the wrath of an angry New Yorker.