Rental Nightmares That’ll Make You Appreciate Your Crappy Apartment

Rob Grams Rob Grams

Rental Nightmares That’ll Make You Appreciate Your Crappy Apartment

Believe it or not, these are TRUE STORIES from real New Yorkers, they are guaranteed to make you feel better about that crappy fifth-floor walk up.

If you live in New York City long enough, you’ll gather more than your fair share of weird living-situation stories, maybe it’s a nasty neighbor, a raunchy roommate or a lascivious landlord. You aren’t alone, in a city of 8.5 million people, you are bound to share your space with some odd people. We’ve compiled some of the funniest, weirdest and downright oddest housing stories in New York City. Enjoy:

The woman under the stairs:


Lived in a rent controlled building in SoHo for 2 years (the kind with shared bathrooms in the hallway). One day the boiler caught fire. Firemen turned up and headed to the basement and put out the fire. Upon further inspection, they found a woman had been living in the basement behind a false wall for decades. She had power, furniture, the whole deal. The super knew, but the owner did not. I later moved out!

The Koolaid Neighbor


A Guy I used to be friends with lived in queens and his neighbor was FUCKING crazy. One day while he was at work, his neighbor busted through his wall like Kool-Aid man, leaving a man sized hole in the wall. His neighbor thought my friend was fucking his wife and wanted to kill him.
– nbadog

The 3-year Ex-RoomMate


A co-worker of mine had a rent-controlled 1BR apartment in Chinatown that she shared with her boyfriend. They broke up, then continued to live together for another 3 years because neither was willing to leave and both were on the lease. It was mutually-assured destruction.
– gambalore

Did you say orgy?!?!


Reminds me of an old post I saw on Craigslist three years ago. The original post is no longer there. But I was so intrigued that I copied/pasted it on my blog. The rent was like $500 something or less.

“I am looking to rent out a room in my quaint, 3 bedroom condo. My husband has recently passed and I am just looking to rent out his old office to make extra money. I am a 23 yo female who is currently attending college. My husband was a rather wealthy Doctor. This condo is too big for just me and my pitbull (Bubbles). For an extra $100 a month I will include food in the deal as I cook for myself every night anyway. Now if you are wondering why the rent is so low there are a few things you should know.

1. I am a smoker
2. Anytime I am in the condo I am completely naked.
3. Bubbles is incredibly friendly, but a very scary looking dog
4. I run an adult website and I use the living room as a studio at least one weekend a month and for an entire month during the summer (gay male porn orgies)

If you are still interested in moving in please shoot me an email…male or female I don’t mind”

 – frafoa

Love birds or jail birds?


I was a subletting from this young couple in Queens. Everything was going decently well other than over hearing a few verbal fights between them. Then one day I get a call from the girl’s sister asking when I was going to be back at the apartment because both of my roommates were in jail.

Long story short, it turned out that she assaulted him and he defended himself, then they both called the cops on each other. The cops came quickly, and they forgot that they had left a POUND of weed out in the open.

They used my security deposit on bail, and the girl apparently snapped and had a mental breakdown of some sort. She accused me of being a cop because on my license I used to live on a street that ended with “Court.” So she apparently thought I lived in a courthouse or some shit. I noped out as soon as I could and found my own place.
– RancorStew

Crowded house/bar


While looking for a place I went to look at a place in East Williamsburg kinda near the Morgan L. It was a loft with about seven ramshackle bedrooms with eight roommates already, some stacked on top of each other, most of them closed off with cloth instead of doors, the whole place was probably about a 750sq ft. The shower didn’t work and was made from a plastic water tank and some tubing and was located in a closet along with two cats’ litter boxes.

The table in the main room was covered end to end with empties and then there were stacks of empties near the windows and alongside the walls. When I asked the roommates what they did for fun “We drink a lot.” The “room” was a 5-foot high cubby box up a step ladder with no door.

They wanted 800 dollars a month for it.

Featured image source [Britt Selvitelle|Flickr]

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