Could You F*cking Not? Things You Should Never Do In NYC

Rob Grams Rob Grams

Could You F*cking Not? Things You Should Never Do In NYC

NYC is a people magnet. From tourists to implants, we are constantly welcoming new faces to the diverse tapestry of the city… and that’s great… but sometimes you just want to scream, COULD YOU JUST F*CKING NOT!!!

So, if you’re new to the city and find you are attracting a lot of hate, here are 5 things to avoid.


Never upstream a cab.


Upstreaming a cab should be punishable by being marched naked up Broadway, *ding ding* shame *ding ding* shame!

Never steal someone else’s cab! It’s a territorial thing, first come, first served. If you’re in doubt, just don’t hail a cab next to someone who was standing there first. Head downstream, find an empty space and claim it as yours.

Don’t refer to the train lines by their color.


OK, so this isn’t going to get you attacked by an angry New Yorker, but it will give you away as a noob. Always use the number or letter of the train when referring to the subway, for example “1, 2, and 3,” should not be referred to as the “red line.”

Also, it’s NOT the “Underground” or “The Tube”, that’s London, nor is it the “Metro”. Here it’s the “Subway”, and Subway refers to the entire network, not the individual trains or lines.

Do not cut people when waiting on line (oh yeah, and it’s “on” line here).


Firstly, you’re waiting on line here, not in line… don’t ask “why?”, it just is.

Here is a serious warning, cutting in when people are waiting for something is seriously hazardous for your health. This is a big city, everyone has places to be and things to do, you’re thing is not more important that theirs, so just wait your damn turn.

It’s “pizza” ok? Not “New York pizza.” This isn’t Chicago.



I get it, wherever you’re from New York Pizza is a thing, here we just call it pizza. They don’t call the French-fries in France.

Also, if you want a Chicago style pizza, hop on a bus out of NYC for the day, we’re proud of our pizza!

Do not wear clothing with “I ❤ NY” slogan

NO. Okay, just no. The only time it is acceptable to wear an “I ❤ NY” shirt is if the clothes you were wearing were removed because you upstreamed someones cab and you needed to buy a cheap replacement.

If you want to wear something with NY on it, buy a Yankees cap.

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