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An NYC Christmas: Expectations VS Reality

Rob Grams Rob Grams

An NYC Christmas: Expectations VS Reality
Remember before you moved here? When you thought Christmas in NYC would be magical. Sadly now we know what people who have been here for years knew all belong. Quite frankly, It SUCKS.

Christmas is NYC can be incredible. Snow in Central Park, rum-spiked hot apple cider and spiced whiskey in a peaceful Christmas market, strolling along the South Street Seaport or Fifth Ave doing a bit of casual shopping… Oh no, wait, something isn’t right here. More than likely none of those things will happen, and if they do they’ll be less “holiday cheer” and more “nightmarish hellscape”

Here are the expectations everyone has of NYC at Christmas and their (slightly depressing) realities…

1. Christmas Shopping on 5th Avenue

Expectation:

A photo posted by alivia (@aliviamillward) on


Reality:


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Ugh. Is there a good time to walk around Fifth Ave? Well, yes. If you want to feel like an extra in a zombie horde from the Walking Dead. Dodge slow-walking tourists, street performers, and the sweeping neck-level selfie sticks. It’s literally a slow-motion American Ninja Warrior. Oh, but you got to see the pretty lights? What are you a moth? Just sit closer to the TV with the window open – call it the Midtown experience.

2. Dinner in the East Village

Expectation:

A photo posted by BabuJiNYC (@babujinyc) on

Reality:


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Hmmmmm, hungry huh? You know what will help? How about waiting for hours for a table to open up, stuffing your face with complimentary mints until you can finally sit down and half the good stuff has been taken off of the menu? Sound good? Merry Christmas.

3. Snow

Expectation:

A photo posted by Aubrei (@aublw) on

Reality:


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What snow? Are you talking to that melted liquid snow falling from the sky? Here we call that “rain.” Even if it DOES snow, you aren’t going to want to make snow angels in it without a hazmat suit and all your vaccinations.

4. Decorating your apartment

Expectations:

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Reality:


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Unless you’re going for a “Christmas at a 17th-century orphanage” theme, don’t even bother.

5. Ice Skating

Expectation:

Reality:


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You know what’ll get you in the Christmas spirit? How about some ice-skating? – thinks EVERY New Yorker at the exact same time you want to go. Yeah, why not wait for hours to fall on your ass over and over again to go home with wet jeans. It’s literally like being blackout drunk but without the alcohol. 

6. Christmas Markets

Expectation:

Love the holidays! #winterishere #hohoho #nycchristmasmarket

A photo posted by Patricia Mar Chang (@marchangonward) on

Reality:


via GIPHY

Ok, ok… let’s just say it… go to ONE outdoor holiday market …unless you’re a big fan of seeing identical products sold in different environments. We mean, really, how many novelties Santa hats and carved wooden Christmas tree decorations do you really need to buy? Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. …Unless you’re going because you want to have your personal space invaded by complete strangers wrestling past you to have another look at that adorable wooden nutcracker soldier that is on every another stall in every Christmas market in the city.

Featured image source [flickr Donnie Ray Jones] & [Facebook | ugly Christmas trees]