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21 Signs You’ve Lived In The City For Too Long

By Katherine Ripley

21 Signs You’ve Lived In The City For Too Long

 

When you’ve lived in NYC your whole adult life, you might forget that the rest of the world probably waits for the white walk signal and gets cranky without their $5 cup of coffee. Clearly, you need a wake-up call. Here are 21 signs that you’ve lived in NYC for too long:

 

1. You’re pretty much immune to the sounds of car horns and police sirens.

2. Eating pizza from a chain restaurant makes you feel like vomiting.

3. You’ve mastered the art of surviving on 50 dollars for the rest of the week.

4. You only drink shots because it’s cheaper to just buy vodka than to buy a vodka cranberry.

vodka open bar

5. A $1 cup of coffee does the trick for you just fine.

6. You have one playlist for the subway, one for walking, and one for running.

7. You won’t eat a Reuben from anywhere outside the city.

reuben

8. No matter how solid your plans are, you’re always preparing for disaster.

9. The food cart guy knows your name and your order.

10. The red blinking hand cross-walk signal basically doesn’t mean anything anymore.

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cross walk signal

11. You’re incapable of navigating any place that doesn’t have a grid.

12. You’re actually kind of attracted to the hipster look.

13. You’re an expert at finding a bathroom when it seems like you have no options.

14. Your Resting Bitch Face has turned into Permanent Bitch Face.

42nd Street (紐約地鐵))
[Jens Schott Knudsen]
 15. Rats and pigeons are the only wildlife you can identify.

16. You don’t need to use Yelp anymore when deciding where to eat.

17. You actually have a “favorite” street musician.

[Jens Schott Knudsen]
[Jens Schott Knudsen]
18. You have a pretty effective procedure to fix your toilet yourself so you don’t have to call a plumber.

19. The smell of rotting garbage doesn’t really bother you anymore.

20. You maybe possibly forgot how to drive.

21. You’re so unphased by weird people that you can no longer objectively judge your own weirdness.

barbie head
[Humans of New York]
Cover photo credit: Jens Schott Knudsen

Tags: Funny