Who doesn’t love winter in NYC? The city looks magical and all the blah, blah, blah… this is NOT that type of article. We’ve got to keep it real with you, SecretNYCers, sometimes it just sucks to to be in the city around winter time. It’s the only time of year where we entertain the idea of moving somewhere where the wind doesn’t hurt your face.This it THAT type of article.
1. Who needs the rink at the Rockefeller center when you can get that authentic “sh*t-I’m-going-to-break-my-neck” experience right outside your front door?
2. Your skin will dry out to the point you look like a cross between Iggy Pop and Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.
3. That’s not a deep puddle… The slush Just makes it look deep… like an optical illusi… SPLASH
2. When you round a street corner you’ll get a blast of polar-vortex wind that’ll make your nose feel like it’s going to fall off.
4. You: “Thank god I’m getting over that cold”
Germs: “…hold my beer!”
5. Your eyes will be so runny walking to the subway you’ll look like a second-rate actor in a telenovela.
6. You now know that the guy who delivers your Seamless is the real MVP.
7. …oh, you planned a trip to escape the cold in the city? BOOM! Flight cancelled due to inclement weather! No one escapes!
8. Say good by to your usual booze of choice, say hello to mulled wine or hot buttered rum… not for the flavor, more because it feels so lovely and toasty in your hands.
9. Better wrap up. Layers, layers and more layers. …then you enter NYC subway, where you the crowds of people will give you a real sauna experience without any of the fun.
11. Mmmm. While we’re on the subject of the subway, it’s winter, let’s dial up the smell, wet, and crowds up to 11 shall we!
11. Your new go-to excuse for not going out – “…but they forecast snow for tonight didn’t they?”
12. Is there anything sexier that those white dried-up salt stains on your shoes? I think not.
13. Is there any sound as annoying as your radiator creaking and squealing while you’re trying to sleep? LISTEN TO THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE!
14. It goes a little something like this…
January: I’m moving to L.A.
February: I could get a nice little place near Venice Beach
March: Can you get a good slice in Cali?
April: NYC fo’ life, yo!