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All the Questions Your Non-NYC Relatives Will Ask You This Christmas

Rob Grams Rob Grams

All the Questions Your Non-NYC Relatives Will Ask You This Christmas
Out of towners just don’t get it. But you have to visit, it’s the holidays after all. Sadly the conversations are ever so predictable. Here are the questions your Non-NYC will ask you this year.

Leaving the city for a holiday can be a strange, surreal experience …and it’s not just about not seeing rats, short buildings, and clean air. When you go from a sprawling metropolis like New York City, to a Christmas meal with your folks, things get a little uncomfortable. When you’re the only person from NYC at the table, the script goes something like this:

 

Q: How was it getting here?


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A: Have you seen New York Penn Station at this time of year?

 

Q: Are you still living in that dump?


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A: Yeah…the cockroaches send their love.

 

Q: What’s with all the rats I’m hearing about?


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A: Don’t worry about it, it’s just an urban legend, like alligators in the sewers.

 

Q: All the attacks recently! Is really safe there?


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A: I’m a New Yorker now, I can handle it.

 

Q: How are you managing the rent? It’s really expensive, right?


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A: Are you offering to help?

 

Q: Have you found a “real” job yet?

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A: Look, someday my podcast/lifestyle blog/photography career will really take off! …OK?!?!

 

Q: Did you see the tree lighting in Rockefeller Center?


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A: No. Too many people

 

Q: Did you go ice skating there?


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A: No. Too long to queue

 

Q: Did you go to SantaCon?


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A: No. Too …just “too.”

 

Q: Are you going to see the ball drop on New Year’s Eve?


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A: No, I like the ability to eat, drink and urinate without dealing with a hoard of people in my way.

 

Q: Maybe we could come visit you in January?


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A: How about, no.

 

Q: Do you think you’ll ever move back home?


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A: Don’t hold your breath.

 

Q: How’s your love life?


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A: What love life?

 

Q: Haven’t you met ANYONE you like?


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A: …I’m looking.

 

Q: Can I pack up some food to take home with you?


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A: Yes. Yes you can.
Featured image source: [Kent Kanouse|Flickr]

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