Has your love life been basically a barren wasteland lately? Can’t seem to hit it off with anyone? You’re clearly just not trying the right techniques. Here are ten tips you need to follow if you want to land an NYC lady:
1. Message first
It’s unfortunate, but different standards for different genders still exist. You could sit there pouting about how it’s not fair that the dudes are always expected to message first, or you could actually message her because if you don’t you might never know whether she’s interested.
2. Spend some time on your appearance
This is common sense. Even if you’re going to a casual bar, she’s not going to be impressed if you show up in a T-shirt. Pick out a nice outfit, shave, and be sure you don’t smell like you slept on a sewer grate.
3. Don’t take her someplace dark and loud
That’s where you meet a Tinder match who you’re not actually interested in talking to. If you really want to make a good impression, take her someplace that’s well lit where you can have good conversation.
4. Don’t try and be too cool
Lean in and show that you’re interested in what she’s saying. But don’t lean in too close because that’s creepy.
5. Pick up the tab
Again, totally reasonable to think the gender roles are unfair here. But don’t think of paying the bill as a requirement to be chivalrous—think of it as a way of telling her you’re really interested. If she’s a keeper, she’ll offer to pay next time.
6. Text her soon, but not too soon
You’re not going to impress her by making her wait three days to hear from you. If you like her, text her. But don’t do it as you get off the subway after leaving her, because that screams “I WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND EVEN THOUGH I BARELY KNOW YOU!”
7. Don’t go fishing for compliments
It’s a huge turn-off, it’s annoying, and it can border on creepy. “Want me to send you a picture? I take really good pictures.” “Which do you like better, my abs or my arms?”
8. Use your words
Staring at her intensely and raising your eyebrows repeatedly is not nearly as communicative as you might think. She very well might be on the same page as you, but the only way you’ll know for sure is if you just say, “Would you like to come back to my place?”
9. Move out of your ex’s apartment ASAP
This really should have been number 1. If she hears you say “I live with my ex” on the first date, it will be over before it even gets started. You can try to conceal it until you get her home with you, but that’s going to be one ugly confrontation. Just don’t do it.
10. If you get as far as your bedroom, don’t pick up your guitar
Or any musical instrument for that matter. She’s there for a reason and it’s not so that you can try and convince her that you’re actually John Mayer. Trust me, she doesn’t have any patience for that.