Independence day is almost here, but before you take time out to thank Randy Quaid and Will Smith for their heroic acts in 1996, take a little time to travel back in time with us. Let’s pay homage to those intrepid tweeps who have summed up the holiday hilariously. Check out our top picks for the absolute best tweets about July 4th.
1 . Mansplaining founding fathers.
"What's independence?" "Don't worry about it." – men to women, July 5, 1776
— Kristy Grant (@kristygee) July 5, 2012
2 . Amen…
Celebrate Independence Day as you will, but always remember that Jesus died for your fireworks.
— Eric Martin (@MrEricMartin) July 4, 2012
3. If Buzzfeed wrote the declaration…
21 Declarations You Won't Believe!
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) July 2, 2015
5. …Whole Foods patriotism.
the most American thing I’ve done today is pay $5 for a pre-sliced apple
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 4, 2014
6. The modern equivalent of Groundhog Day
If Toby Keith sees his shadow on the 4th of July, we get 6 more weeks of freedom
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) July 4, 2015
7. …I’ll be there for you…
july 4th is my favorite holiday bc i can practice my Friends theme claps every time a firework explodes without anyone noticing
— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 5, 2014
8. The other inconvenient truth…
Every day is independence day when you decide to never have children.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) July 4, 2012
9. Is that cool with you guys?
Celebrate your independence, America! If it's cool with China.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) July 4, 2011
10. ‘Murica, F*ck yeah!
To celebrate the 4th, I’m gonna borrow money from my Chinese friends and beat up some Middle Easterners for reasons I don’t understand.
— Steve Svehla (@CoatCzech) July 1, 2011
Spread patriotic spirit by telling the barista your name is "USA" and hiding. When they say your name, watch as Starbucks begins chanting
— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) July 4, 2013
12. Loud noises!
13. For those of us who are a little socially awkward.
helo girl are u a firework b/c i only see u maybe 3 times a year & ur very pretty & im scared to get closer to u
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) July 4, 2013
14. Damn clouds, comin’ over here, stealin’ our jobs!
The 4th of July is the one day of the year that Americans take a break from trying to murder each other and try to murder the sky.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 3, 2013
15. I find your lack of patriotism… disturbing.
The lack of people wearing American flags as capes today is disappointing to say the least.
— Matthew (@sucittaM) July 4, 2012
16. The founding fathers don’t follow me back!
July 4, 1776: the day that we “unfollowed” King George. #waytoointotwitter
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 4, 2011
17. I outsource my tweeting to India.
Happy Birthday America! (Tweet Made in China)
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) July 4, 2011
18. Play safely kids!
Are these firecrackers in my pants, or am I glad to see a paramedic?
— Shari VanderWerf 😷 (@shariv67) July 4, 2011