Any New Yorker worth their salt has winced at some NYC subway freak or other doing stuff best left for the privacy of their home. Whether it’s eating in the style of a medieval king or falling asleep on the adjacent passenger as if they were offering some kind of personal snuggling service, there are a few New Yorkers who might benefit from learning a bit of NYC subway etiquette. Then there are those so beyond help it’s best not to risk making eye-contact with them. And here they are…
1. The Indiscreet Porn Watcher
Can’t quite wrap our heads around this grossness. It’s not like we’re prudes or anything; whatever floats your boat. Just confine that shit to the seedy browser history of your home computer.
Video via Vine
2. The Sneaky Booger Wiper
Let’s not all pretend we’ve never had to hook one out in public. Thing is though, most people have honed a ninja-like discretion to the act, usually involving a thumb and some kind of tossing of the hair for added distraction. But not this dude. He’s hanging his nostril findings for all to see like a tiny display of modern art.
Video via YouTube
3. The Time-Saving Head Shaver
You know how it is. You’re running late in the morning, you think you’ve remembered everything – keys, money, phone… “Damn! I forgot to shave my head! Ah well, no drama, I’ll just do it in front of everyone on the subway. That’ll be normal.”
Video via Youtube
4. The Shameless Zit Popper
When it’s ready to pop, it’s ready to be pop. Except if you’re on the subway and it’s not even your own zit, then it can wait five minutes. Jesus.
5. The Mysterious Jimmy Hat Dangler
— RyRy (@meandtherhythm) October 10, 2014
So, you’ve just had sex on the subway and you’re worried that not enough people know about it. Solution: wrap the used condom around a handrail so a sleepy-eyed NYC commuter gets a handful of your bagged up love juice.
6. The Amorous Rat Owner
Love takes many forms. What a man and his rat do behind closed doors is their business (key phrase: “behind closed doors” not on the frickin’ subway. Are you mental?)
Video via YouTube
7. The Hungry-Assed Pole Dancer
If there’s anything worse than a person leaning on the whole handrail so others can’t use it, it’s people who use the gripping power of their butt cheeks to maintain their balance. Impressive? Sure. Socially acceptable? Hell no.
8. The Underground Lapdancer
So we’ve all heard of the No Pants Subway Ride. What a hoot! Nothing like a bit of harmless performance art on your otherwise dull commute. This, however, is messed up. Not sure if it’s the bare-naked ass or the sandals that triggered the gag reflex… Urgh. It’s like staring into the sun.
9. The Public Fingernail Clipperer
No excuse for this one in our opinion. But not, apparently, in the opinion of the perpetrator who actually gets up to move next to a commuter who complains. Douche level: 1000.
Feature cover image: Twitpic/@naeyorkcity