50 Things Every New Yorker Would Do If They Were Rich

As New Yorkers, we put to use every last piece of change we find between the couch cushions. But…what if money didn’t matter? What if you were as rich as Donald Trump and all of a sudden the city was full of possibilities you’d never considered before? Here’s what every New Yorker would do with unlimited money:

1. Quit your job

2. Well, maybe you actually like your job, in which case you’d probably keep doing it

3. Maybe you would just take a lot of vacation days

4. And you’d most definitely never pack lunch again

5. Get an apartment that you can actually move around in

7. And a kitchen with counter space!!

8. And a bathroom that never has plumbing problems!!!!

9. Overlooking the East River

10. Or Central Park

12. Better yet, hire a personal chef so you never have to cook

13. Or order from your favorite pizza place three nights a week

14. Ditto for your favorite Chinese place, favorite Mexican place, etc…

15. Join a gym

17. Fire your personal trainer because you don’t have the energy to do all the shit they want you to do

18. Get another dog

19. Or another cat

20. Or ten cats

22. Go to all the really cool, expensive parties just to get it out of your system

23. Then, rent out the entire Gansevoort and throw your own huge party

24. Invite Taylor Swift. #Squadgoals

25. Rent out the observation deck of the Empire State building so you have it all to yourself

27. Go see Billy Joel every time he comes to MSG

28. Hire a personal driver so you never have to take the subway again

29. Unless you really want to

30. Buy a boat and sail around Manhattan every day

32. Make a street performer’s day

33. Donate money to help the homeless (hopefully)

34. Drink Starbucks coffee every single day

35. Buy an expensive piece of modern art

37. Actually, just go to all the restaurants on all the “Best In NYC” lists

38. If you’re single, join a paid dating site that doesn’t have so many weirdos

39. Or do speed dating

40. Or better yet just hire a matchmaker so you don’t have to do any work

41. Or stay single and go to the club every night

42. Bribe the bouncer so you can skip the line

43. Drink $20 cocktails instead of $7 Bud Lights

44. Buy a round for your friends who still work day jobs…suckers

45. Go shopping at Giorgio Armani, Prada, and all those other high end fashion stores

47. Get box seats for your favorite sports team

48. Only buy organic

49. Get a tattoo to show how much you love the city

50. Stay in NYC forever