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Culture

22 Ways The Pope’s Visit Is Going To Make Your Life Harder

Katherine Ripley Katherine Ripley

 

The Pope is coming to visit NYC this Thursday and people are freaking out—some because they’re actually excited about the Pope’s visit, and some because they know what a pain in the ass it’s going to be. If you’re in the latter group, keep reading. Here are 22 ways the Pope’s visit is going to make your life harder:

 

1. If on the off chance you have a car, you probably won’t be able to use FDR drive.

2. Actually, better not attempt driving in Manhattan at all.

3. Traffic is going to be blocked and diverted from huge areas, Thursday through Saturday.

4. Streets around St. Patrick’s Cathedral are going to start closing down starting on Thursday around 12am.

5. Even if you don’t drive, you’ll still probably want to stay the hell away.

6. If you were thinking about visiting Rockefeller Plaza on Thursday, don’t bother.

7. Same with the MoMA—it can wait until next week.

8. On Friday morning, streets around the 9-11 Memorial are going to be closed.

 

9. So stay the hell away from lower Manhattan that morning.

10. If you work in Fidi, you might want to take the day off.

11. Streets are going to be closed around Madison Square Garden pretty much all day Friday.

12. And people will probably start lining up for mass at the Garden the night before.

13. So don’t go anywhere near Penn Station. Tell your cousin visiting from out of town he’s on his own getting to your place.

14. If he absolutely needs you to meet him at Penn Station, take the subway and stay underground at all times.

15. Just imagine all the honking car horns you’ll have to listen to.

16. And the ridiculous crowds.

 

17. Speaking of which, you need to avoid Central Park on Saturday too.

18. Because that’s where the Pope is processing before mass.

19. We know, you love to walk your dog there. FIDO CAN SETTLE FOR RIVERSIDE PARK INSTEAD.

20. Of course, you probably have annoying friends who actually want to go see the Pope.

21. So you’ll have nobody to hang out with that day.

22. It’s okay, they’re all lame anyway.

 

 

 

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