Every New Yorker has two dreams: central AC, and an apartment all to yourself. But living by yourself is getting more and more difficult in this city. So until you make it big, or decide to move to the suburbs, you’re stuck with roommates. Here are the struggles you’re probably facing:
1. You never really got to know your roommates. You just moved in together because you all needed other people to live with.
2. Your roommate has no friends and insists on following you everywhere.
3. Or, your roommates are your close friends, in which case you see them waaaaaaaay too much.
4. You agree to split the rent equally, but then you passively aggressively argue over who gets the big room and who gets the one that’s basically a closet.
5. You’re so desperate to live in Manhattan that you share a studio and only use a curtain for privacy.
6. You have to pretend you can’t hear your roommate having sex on the other side of the curtain.
7. You have separate bedrooms, but you still have to pretend you can’t hear your roommate having sex on the other side of the paper thin walls.
8. You argue over who was the last to buy the toilet paper.
9. Your roommate says, “Sure I’ll buy the toilet paper,” and then disappears for a week.
10. Your roommate insists on keeping a detailed chart of whose turn it is to buy the toilet paper, whose turn it is to clean the bathroom, and every other fucking aspect of your life.
11. You and each of your roommates has a friend visiting the city this weekend, but you only have one couch.
12. Everyone in the apartment has to be at work in midtown at 9:30am and there’s only one shower.
13. You argue about who gets to store their things in the hallway closet.
14. Everyone grocery shops on the same day and the kitchen is way too small for all that food.
15. Food sharing rules are unclear so you end up with four bottles of ketchup.
16. One of your roommates gets a pet that doesn’t understand personal space.
17. One of your roommates abruptly decides to leave and you have to find a new person.
18. You find a new roommate who seems normal over the phone, and they show up and they look like this: