Don’t these things just make you roll your eyes and want to give up?
1. “We are being held momentarily by the train’s dispatcher. We apologize for any inconvenience.”
That didn’t really seem like a heartfelt apology to me. I feel like you’re not really sorry.
2. “Service is suspended between West 4th Street, and Jay Street. As an alternative…”
I DON’T WANT AN ALTERNATIVE I WANT TO DO IT THE WAY I ALWAYS DO IT
3. “The bathroom is for employees only.”
Can’t you see I’m dying over here?!?!
4. “Sorry, the elevator is out of service.”
That’s okay. I’m due for a glute workout anyway.
5. “Did you see the Mets game last night?”
No, I promise to recite five Hail Mary’s for my penance
6. “Sorry, we’re out of pastrami.”
7. “I’m going to raise your rent.”
Why don’t you just evict me right now?
8. “I heard there’s a new gluten-free bakery on the Lower East Side.”
Is it happiness- and joy-free too?
9. “It’s a thirty dollar minimum for cards.”
Well, then I’ll be taking my business…to your ATM.
10. “A woman was sexually assaulted in Williamsburg last night…”
When will this city be safe for women?!?!
11. “I settled Brooklyn.”
12. “Everybody stays. Everyone is working late tonight.”
Um…why did I not have a say in this matter?
13. “I’ve been thinking about moving.”
Here we go again… We both know you’ll never leave this city.
Cover photo credit: WNYC/Flickr