It’s been two years since we finally found out how New Yorker Ted Mosby met the mother of his children and since then there’s been a noticeable absence of NYC banter on our screens. But hey, that’s what Netflix is for! Secret NYC has scrawled the sitcom for its sharpest observations on what it truly means to be a New Yorker. Here you go…
1. Marshall on pest control
[Hitfix]“You’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve killed a cockroach with your bare hand.”
-Subway Wars, season 6
2. The Mother on NYC men
[Seven Inches of Your Time]“Is this what dating in New York is going to be like? Even the nice guys turn out to be total creeps?” [Mitch: “I have gotten pretty creepy since I got here.”]
-How Your Mother Met Me, season 9
3. Barney on seizing the moment
[Bravo TV]“Ted, let’s rap. Statistics: At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea whose party she’s at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see… where I’m going… with this?”
– Purple Giraffe, season 1
4. Lily on being neighborly
[Quotesgram]“This is New York, we don’t talk to the neighbors. We say hello as we pass them in the hall, we call the police when we haven’t seen them for a while and there’s a weird smell coming from their apartment, and that’s it.”
-The Platinum Rule, season 3
5. Ted on cab etiquette
[Lifehack]“I’d say you’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve stolen a cab from someone that needs it more than you do.”
-Subway Wars, season 6
6. Lily on expressing yourself in NYC
[Aaron Goldsman]“You may come from Ohio, but you’re in New York now, and here we don’t keep our feelings bottled up. We shove them in someone else’s face.”
-Happily Ever After, season 4
7. Ted’s matchmaking consultant on dating statistics
[Alex Raphael]“There’s 9 million people in New York. 4.5 million women. Of course, you want to meet someone roughly your own age – let’s say plus, minus 5 years. So if you take into account the most recent census data that leaves us with 482,000 women. But wait! 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility. And then you have to take out the ex-girlfriends and the relatives. And, oh, you can’t forget those lesbians. And then that leaves us with 8 women.”
-Matchmaker, season 1
8. Marshall on mandatory celebrity sightings
[Mindless Productivity]“I’m sorry but you’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve seen Woody Allen.”
-Subway Wars, season 6
9. Ted on the NYC theatre scene
[The Gavel]“New York is famous for its theater, but there are different levels. There’s Broadway; off-Broadway; off-off-Broadway; homeless people screaming in the park; and below that, the play your Aunt Lily was in.”
-Stuff, season 2
10. Lily on subway sobbing
[Glamour]“You’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve cried on the subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks.”
-Subway Wars, season 6
11. Ted on selling your car to pay for accommodation
[Tumblr/Marshall Eriksen Screaming]“I hate New York! I’m sorry but it’s true. OK, today I was walking around Price Co. Have you ever been there? It’s huge! All the stores in New York are so cramped, every time I turn I knock something over. I’m like some huge monster that came out of the ocean to destroy bodegas! I hate it. I’m too big for New York! OK? I’m always trying to fit into cramped, little subway seats, or duck under doorways that were built 150 years ago. Hey, guess what: People are bigger now! Build bigger doorways! What the hell is the matter with you? And it’s so loud. All the time! Yes, it’s the city that never sleeps. Well, guess what: I like to sleep. I’ve been tired for eight years! Tired, and scared with black and blue marks on my elbows from trying to fit through all these tiny little elf doorways.”
