We’ve all had our fair share of dating nightmares, tinder spurred waking fever-dreams that seem to last forever. NYC is a big city, more often than not the problem isn’t finding someone, but finding the right someone. Here are some dating confessions shared by real NYers on Reddit:
- Ain’t nobody got time for walking!
‘I dumped someone because the commute between our apartments required switching between Times Square and Port Authority through that long ass hallway. Does that count?’
– paratactical @ reddit
- Baby needs a hug.
‘She went on a few dates with a guy, no red flags. Then one day, out of the blue, she gets a text from him: “Do you have any deep secrets that I should know about?” She said it made her nervous. But, she rationalized it might not be bad. It was so random. Maybe it wasn’t even meant for her. She replied “Haha no, not really. Why, do you?”
Then she starts listening to a podcast episode about dating in New York City. The host was fielding listener phone calls. One of the listeners called in about a guy she was dating. Few dates, no red flags. Then one day, out of the blue, she gets a text from him. “Do you have any deep secrets that I should know about?” It turned out that the listener was dating an adult baby. Apparently, this guy was a normal guy during the day. But at night, he had a fetish that when he went home, he wanted to wear an adult diaper, act like an infant, and have a mommy take care of him.
A few hours later, the girl gets a response to her text. “I can be a bit of a baby.” She said it freaked her out enough that she never responded to him again.’
– rabidgnat @ reddit
- The accidental gay.
‘I am a straight male and accidentally ended up on a date with a man. I grew up in a pretty conservative family in the middle of the country and was a bit naive when I moved to NY. First few days at work, a client comes in and is being friendly and asks if I want to go grab a drink after work. I say something like ya, let’s go grab some beers, sounds good. Guy tells me where to meet him and I show up at this place. It’s a small restaurant with a small bar at the back. Somehow we end up eating and he says something like he’s an open kind of guy. I then take stock of everything that has happened and realized Holy Shit!!! I’m on a date!! So I explained I wasn’t an open kind of guy, went to the bathroom and laughed my ass off for a couple minutes, finished a nice dinner and bailed. Still saw him from time to time at that job, but sort of avoided eye contact and pretended like nothing happened.’
– nuculur @ reddit
- For Whom The Bell Tolls. Not you tho.
Ended it with a great gal bc I had to pay tolls to go see her. Tolls are my parameter for what would constitute a long distance relationship.
– irrelevantslayer @ reddit
- BTW my dog does the best tricks.
‘This was on the Fourth of July and I skipped the celebrations to go on a Tinder date. What the guy lacked in looks, he made up for in charm and personality, so I said yes. He lived on UWS and we were supposed to go to a restaurant near his apartment for dinner. I was staying in Harlem at the time and not great with the Subway so I decided to grab an Uber. Literally right before I called the car, he says he wants to move it to his apartment, so fine. Either this means it’s going to be a hook-up, he’s making dinner, or both. All of the above I’m fine with.
Well, none of those things happened. Instead, he gave me a fake code to buzz the door with which made me look like an ass. Then he invites me into a dark apartment where he spends the first thirty minutes playing some video game. The next two hours were spent convincing me that he is a GoGo dancer (he later told me he’s actually a tour guide at Radio City Music Hall), telling me about his ex-mormonism, talking about his dog’s recent cancer diagnosis, and all the while I’m trying to get him to move towards the bedroom because damnit, I’m a broke college student and I did not pay $25 for an Uber to have this date flop. Finally, he takes me to his bedroom and I think “Okay, finally something’s gonna happen!” Nope. He shows me some tricks that his dog can do and then proceeds to play the piano and make me guess the songs he’s playing. This goes on for half an hour probably. Then he insists that I play the piano and come up with my own tune.
At this point, I’m like fuck it. I’m out. He goes to the bathroom, I leave and wait in the lobby for an Uber. I would’ve gone outside but it was raining. Just before my Uber arrives, he comes outside with his dog, stands beside me and tries to make awkward small talk. Never again. It was a mess.’
– CJMac02 @ reddit
- I have nothing fur you, madame.
‘Homegirl walks into the first date wearing a genuine, full length leopard skin coat. Was over before it started’
– dunkonit @ reddit
- Assume makes an ASS out of U and Me. NSFW.
‘Met up with this guy and we’re hanging out with some of his friends at their place. I thought things were going well, we kissed a bit, were drinking, I got along with his friends, etc. That was until he invited another girl over and they started making out on the couch. They eventually went into the bathroom to bone and I left because awkward. One of his drunk friends walked me out and tried to make out with me on the way.
Next day, dude messages me “Had a great time! Hope you did too!” I called him out for inviting somebody else over without mentioning it to me first and he offered to make it up to me. So I made him buy me lunch (he had offered, after all), and during the lunch he explained to me “I mean, how often do you get to have butt sex!?”’
– lovelikeapathy @ reddit
- Cheats never prosper (with me).
I broke up with a girl because I caught her cheating at Words With Friends.
– Kaneshadow @ reddit
- Thou Shalt Not Chug Beers On A Date.
‘Wow, my time to shine. In the age before smartphones and dating aps, we used craigslist personals to meet people in NYC. This was in days of yore, before Internet dating was really a thing, like say 2004.
Our first date consisted of getting drinks at a couple of bars. Bar #1 was fine, we talked and had a few drinks. But at bar #2 she just kept pounding beers until she passed out, face down, on the bar.
I asked the bartender what I should do. He said he would just call the cops. Not wanting her to get a record for minor BS, I convinced him to hold off and eventually got her to wake up and walk out on her own.
Luckily, she lived with her dad (really nice building) only a few blocks from there so was able to get her home safely. She managed to slur that she wanted to see me again as the door was closing between us.
The second date went much better.
On the third date she ditched me for a group of random guys at a bar, but by that time I was kind of relieved to not have to deal with her anymore.’
– TheVentiLebowski @ reddit
- He put ChapStick where?
‘[…]he takes out a small tube of ChapStick, yes, ChapStick, and puts it on normally…at first. He then proceeds to start putting the chap stick on ALL OVER HIS FACE. I try to act natural and just keep talking, but I think he detects my awkwardness from my, I’m sure, weird facial expression, and remarks, “Oh don’t mind me, I’m just taking care of my skin.” Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.’
– Bethany Heinrich @ Mogul read more here.
Featured image source [yourtango]