10 Reasons Why You Should Never Leave New York

Katherine Ripley • March 1, 2016

If you’re thinking about leaving New York, don’t. You’ll face a cruel and unfamiliar world out there. Here are 10 reasons you should never ever leave this city:

1. You’d be dependent on a chauffeur

At this point you’ve probably either forgotten how to drive, or you’ve let your license expire and there’s no way you’re ever going through the horror of a DMV driving test again. Because the public transportation in all other cities is lousy or nonexistent, you’d have almost no way to get around.

2. You’d go insane from all the quiet

You’ve grown accustomed to the incessant sounds of sirens, car horns, subways, bar fights and random people screaming. Without all that you’d probably lose your mind.

3. Everyone will be moving in slow motion

You don’t realize that you’ve become accustomed to the fact pace of this city until you find yourself outside of it. If you’ll leave, you’ll constantly be bumping into people because they’re not walking fast enough.

4. You’ll get bored very easily

bored

In NYC, boredom is a choice. Outside of the city, you could be bored purely because of circumstance and end up browsing the Internet aimlessly until your eyes bleed.

5. The food will probably be boring

Unless you’re going to a foreign country with food you’ve never tried before, you’re better off staying here. You can get food from anywhere in the world in this city.

6. The bagels will never compare

The rest of the world just does not know how to make bagels like New York City makes them. If you try eating any of the sad substitutes you’ll just end up…sad.

7. You’ll get less cultured

Again, this is true unless you’re going to a foreign country. If you leave the city you’ll lose touch. What would you do without all the art and history museums, indie concerts, off-broadway theater, and burlesque shows?

8. You’ll feel so rich you’ll blow all your money

how to save money in NYC — [sharyn morrow/Flickr]

You’ll be amazed at how cheap things are, so you’ll suddenly start spending out of control. Next thing you know, you’re in a pile of debt like all those lottery winners whose lives have been ruined by sudden wealth.

9. The political diversity will be too overwhelming

You’re not prepared to defend your political views in the outside world because you’ve probably never encountered anyone who disagreed with them that strongly.

10. Tuesday hangovers will be frowned upon

You will be judged. Harshly. It’s better just to stay in NYC where anything goes.

Cover photo credit: Dimitry B./Flickr