10 Hilarious Lies To Tell Tourists

Katherine Ripley • August 18, 2015

Let’s be honest—it’s really fun to mess with tourists. Next time they ask you for directions or ask you where are the best places to go or the best places to eat, hit them with one of these “facts” and let the hilarity ensue:

1. There’s actually a very rare blue diamond stuck inside the butt of the Wall Street Bull. That’s why so many people stick their heads in there—to try to get a look at it. If you can manage to pull it out, it’s yours. But it’s in there pretty good, like King Arthur’s sword was in that rock.

2. The best pizza in the whole city is actually in Macy’s. They converted their basement into a pizza parlor after they realized that nobody ever wanted to buy the appliances and kitchen supplies that used to be down there.

3. There’s a Flatiron special on (insert current day of the week) where you can scale the Flatiron building like Spiderman for only $5. Just walk around to the side that doesn’t have the pointy corner and you’ll see the climbing equipment.

4. Oh no, you don’t need a pass for the 9/11 Museum. You can just walk right in. There might be a long line but it’s totally worth it.

5. If you walk to every Chipotle in Manhattan and take the shortest route between each one, your footsteps will trace a huge outline of a pirate with a parakeet on his shoulder. If you start at the one in the financial district they have a bucket of red paint for you to try it.

6. There’s actually a real pharaoh’s body in the Egyptian section of the Metropolitan Museum. They don’t want it to become public knowledge, so to ask the curators where it is you have to use this code: wink three times, scratch your right armpit, and do the stanky leg.

7. If you climb all the way to the crown at the Statue of Liberty, you get entered in a drawing to win a brand new car and hang out with Meryl Streep for day.

8. Jimmy Hoffa’s body was never buried in Giants’ stadium. It’s actually underneath the Coney Island boardwalk. It might take a while to find but if you look really closely, you’ll see his epitaph engraved into the wood of one of the boards.

9. Once a day, one of the hotdog carts in Manhattan gives out a “golden hotdog.” Literally, when you bite into it there’s a solid hot-dog shaped piece of gold on the inside. So eat carefully because you don’t want to break your teeth.

10. Carrier pigeons never died out. They just went underground in New York City. The secret headquarters is in Central Park where the boat rentals are. If you sit and watch for a while, you’ll see them flying in and out of there with messages.

Cover photo credit: A. Strakey

Tags: Funny