Here Are All The Ways NYC Has Made You A Posthuman Super-Being

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(*read the title with a little sarcasm) You sure learn a thing or two living in this city, it has a habit of molding you into the kind of person that can survive here. NYC it’s a tough cookie to crack. But once you’ve got the hang of whipping your Metrocard card out in record time while juggling your coffee, a copy of the Metro, your laptop case, your gym bag and a tiny dog, you know you’re on the fast track to abilities outsiders will see as super powers. *High five*

1. You’ve perfected your *fuck you* smile at the fake Buddhist Monks in Times Square (in case you don’t know them read this).

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2. You know to hold your breath when the summer hits in the city and it smells like hot garbage.

3. Of course, you know exactly where the subway doors will stop.

4. You’re guaranteed to get anywhere 5 minutes faster than Google Maps suggests.

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5. You’ve mastered how to dodge being handed an  amNewYork and Metro as you arrive at the tube station.

6. You’ve know that a pizza slice at 1am counts as dinner.

7. You are able to hide the rage when you are on a crowded subway car and hear, “It’s showtime!”

8. You’re great at making tiny spaces seem appealing…

9. And you can shoo and dodge pigeons/rats/squirrels like a ninja.

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10. You can swipe your Metrocard without breaking stride.

11. You know how to strip off on the Subway when it gets too hot without smacking people in the face.

12. You’ve developed invisible limbs and can miraculously carry your laptop, coffee, handbag without spilling too a thing.

13. Your legs can totally handle all the steps in your Fifth-Floor Walkup.

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14. You sleep so well with the light and noise that darkness and silence make you anxious.

15. You’ve miraculously been able to curb your hatred for tourists. Just enough so you don’t barge them out of the way on the sidewalk.

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16. You’ve picked up some valuable mantras to help you get by on a daily basis.

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17. And, lastly, you’ve managed to stay in love with this crazy city, despite its oddities and frustrations.

Featured image source [Wikimedia Commons]

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